tokidoki

tokidoki means "sometimes" in japanese. it's also the name of the lesportsac line of bags which i LOVE!!! they are sooo cute! i haven't bought any yet (been trying to resist and be good) but think i have to break down and get me some. maybe i won't actually buy them myself ... they are really expensive. i know! if my mom asks me what i want for christmas, it will be on the top of my list. :) it will be hard for me to choose WHICH design i want though - i love the original, citta rosa, and foresta. the latter two have munkies on them so i would have to choose the one with the most (or best possible placement of) munkies on it. (yes, i'm that anal.) hee hee

the munkies are soo cute (pictured left) that i'm actually thinking of getting a tattoo of it! i've wanted a tatoo for the longest time but could never think of something that i want branded on me permanently. i always thought a munky would be cute and sentimental since it's a nickname my popo (popo means grandma in chinese) gave me but never found the right one. i was thinking maybe i would have them hanging from my initial or something. that would be cute right? having a really cursive, fancy letter then have the cute "hello kitty type" of munky hanging from it? LOL - guess i'll have to play around with it first. i haven't figured out where i want to put the tattoo yet either so therein lies another thing for me to think about. hopefully i can figure it out before my whole body starts sagging and there won't be any good places to put it. hee hee.

i'm engaged!

well ... not really. {g} i recently moved to a high rise and this guy in my building asked me several times where i lived. i told him what floor but he repeatedly asked, "what apartment". i repeated the floor number. i think he realized that i was feeling uncomfortable giving out the information and said he was sorry. i nervously smiled and walked away.

there's not much i could do right? i couldn't think of anything else to say. i'm not quick on my feet and really didn't expect that to happen. living alone can be scary at times. when i moved in, i joked that even though my building is secure (it's a little more secure than my last building but my last building was 1/8 of the size and filled with couples/families), the "crazies" might be already IN the building. =P i guess it's not so funny anymore.

it could have been an honest mistake because i think he was from another country and maybe he didn't know any better. just to be safe, i started wearing my mom's old wedding ring/band from her 1st marriage to my dad. i'll probably just wear the band because i don't want to be responsible for the ring. (the band should be enough right?) hopefully if he sees me again, he'll think i'm taken or that i live with my fiance. unfortunately all the other single men will think that too. :( oh well. i know it's better safe then sorry so i'll keep wearing it for a while. hopefully i won't get too attached to seeing a ring there because it might be a while until the real deal comes along.

scared & damaged

... or dark and twisty? that's how people describe meridith grey on the tv show, "grey's anatomy". she's my LEAST favorite character on the show but the most like me. isn't that sick? that the ONE person i don't like on the show is the one that reminds me of myself ... like in some way that i don't like myself? it's funny (not really) how grey's semi-b/f said to her, "you think you don't deserve to be happy, but you do." these are the exact words that my ex-b/f said to me.

do i have a point to this story? not really. i was thinking that it's so not fair that she has 2 men (a doctor and a vet) fighting over her! LOL. oh yeah, and she took up knitting to help her stop sleeping with men, then said she was tired of waiting (and not sleeping with them with lasted maybe 2 - 3 episodes which i'm guessing would be 2 -3 weeks in reality - not to mention that she said this the morning AFTER she had sex with one of them). i know. it's a TV show but still. i know a lot of smart, attractive women who go (and not because they want to) a lot longer than that just waiting for the right guy. (sigh). ok. enough with the merideth-bashing. i'm done. that is, until the next episode runs. ;)

it's cruel to dress up your fur babies

i say this - yet i did it. ;) but look what it got me! this really sad picture of roxy. she doesn't look happy at all and why should she? her mama put a 99 cent christmas hairband around her neck then got up really close to her and started snapping away! lights were flashing everywhere and she couldn't get away from it! all i have to say for myself is ...

i'm so sorry baby! i couldn't help it!!! i just wanted to see how cute you would look but now can see how miserable i made you! you know you're my pride and joy and i just wanted to show you off in a christmas card or something! but now that i look at the pictures, all i can see is how i made you look like a jester - a very, very, very sad jester. {i'm writing this semi-seriously yet giggling inside. is that wrong? ;) hee hee} well, my sweetie. i will not punish you again like this ... unless i find that chinese dress in pink and in your size. LOL. *roxy was not harmed in the taking of this picture ... unless you count total humilation ... then i might be guilty of that. bad mama!*

happy belated bday dad

this is my belated bday posting to my dad. this picture of us is when i was about 3 years old. we don't have too many of photos of him when we were little ... which i think is a good thing because then we don't have constant reminders of how bad our lives were when he was in it (back then.) he's lucky that he has 3 (out of 4) very forgiving children who notice that at least he's trying to change now. better late then never huh? he's been more a father to me this past year than he has my entire life. it's weird how time (and the older you get) changes everything. my other sibling (who refuses to forgive him) says that he's only changing now because he's getting older and is alone but who can fault him for that? no one wants to grow old alone ... life is hard enough even when you're young! it's too bad really. if you want to heal, you have to let go ... believe me when i say it's a hard thing for me to do ... i've put it off for a really long time. i only started recently and am having a really hard time but you can't carry all that negativity with you. i want a better life and think all this baggage is hurting my chances at getting one.

i went totally off the subject again! =P anyway, i have recent pics of my dad but JUST IN CASE i ever have a really bad day and started venting about him, i wanted to protect his identity so i posted this pic instead. so here's to my dad:

dad, thanks for helping me out this past year. i had a lot of decisions to make and you did offer me a solution to one of them ... thanks for being patient with me since it took me so long to make it. although it would be an easy decision for most, it wasn't for me for various reasons. you didn't rush me and i appreciate that. you also helped me address some concerns that i had and didn't complain one bit (even though i did.) happy belated bday. love, me

happy bday mom!

today is my mom's bday. i took this picture of us last night. isn't she beautiful??? :) if you're keeping track - yesterday was my brother's and today is my mom's but what's even more crazy is that my biological dad's bday was on the 14th (i will post a belated bday to him soon) so i have 3 MAJOR bdays in the same week. =P september is a really busy month for me because my sis-in-law and a couple of my good friends have bdays in this month as well.

ok ... as usual ... i went totally off track again. anyway, today is my mom's bday. (deja vu no? ;) heehee) out of all of her 4 kids, i'm the most like her. this has caused our relationship much grief (esp. when i was a teenager) but now that i'm older she understands me more. she's had a hard life and i know if she could go back in the past and redo everything that she would. our relationship has come a long way since then (she says it's because i'm older but i think it's because she's not as hard head. ;) j/k!) and i can't believe it ever was that way. don't get me wrong - she still has her moments (mom - don't even front like you don't know this ... she'll probably read this one day and wonder what does "front" mean? lol.) but it's easier to communicate with her now.

anyway, to my mom:

mom, i know you're trying to make up for past mistakes, but you don't have to. i know you would do things differently in a heartbeat if you could. you are and have been a wonderful mother no matter what. you tried to do the best you could and you had to take care of yourself too. i admire some of the choices you made ... i know it they weren't easy! i'm trying to get over the past (something that i've been ignoring and thought it would just go away on it's own in time) and i think you should too. what's done is done and let's not look back. i love you mom and want you to be happy now. btw, not that this is any indication of what's to come but ... thanks for supporting me and any foolish decision that i might make in the near future. ;) hee hee. (i'll explain it to you later.) i hope you have a wonderful bday and that you get your bday wish!!! (i know what it is so i'll try to do my part to make it happen.) :) I LOVE YOU!!!!

happy bday bro!

yesterday was my brother's surprise bday party and he really was surprised! yay! i just want to take a moment to wish him a happy b-day (yes, i know it's a day late but i was working hard on his card which btw, had to go through TONS of pictures and fonts to find the right one!) =P it was totally worth it though!!! so here goes ...

stu, our lives could have turned out much differently because of everything we've been through, but i thank God that HE has blessed you with the life you have ... and in return you have blessed mine with two beautiful nieces and sis-in-law. as marla said in her invocation, you really are a wonderful father, brother, and friend and i can't thank you enough for all the joy you have brought to my life. i love you bro!!!

self pic taker in the making

i'm known for taking self pics. it's something that i always do and i love the results. well ... at my brother's yakudoshi (41st) birthday party last night, i took one of me and my 23 month old niece sierra. she's the cutest thing ever! it's amazing how much of a sponge they are at this age!!! she took note of how i always put my hand through the wrist strap (i learned that this is THE most important thing to do when you have a digital camera the hard way! =P) and pressed the green lit button. the next thing i knew she was putting the wrist strap all the way up her arm and was snapping away. of course i got a TON of blurred self pics of her shirt but when i helped her "aim" the camera a little (i was behind her so it was a still a self pic for me too, which btw, is a hard thing to do when a child wants to do everything themselves) she managed to take a few self pics of herself. :) it's just too cute. yes, the pics are a little out of focus and blurry but it's still totally adorable!!!

thank you eva!

when i went to CE, eva taught us how to work with microsoft word to help us with our scrapbooking. i must admit. i use word a lot and didn't learn too much in her class. HOWEVER, she did remind me about using a picture as the text fill. i haven't done that in ages and thought it would be cute if used that technique on my brother's b-day card. i really liked the way it came out and aparently he did to because he came to me (during his party) to tell me that it was (and i quote) "awesome" and that he loved it.

although i had such a rough night on friday about my work (i seriously was thinking about quitting my LSS - background story is the owner asked me if i wanted to work there after taking some of her classes and only was scrapping for a few months) i still couldn't help myself. creating things (whether it's cards, LOs, jewelry, scarves, bags, etc.) is something i have to do. tbh, i also didn't want to spend $4 on a card! lol! anyway, as i was thinking about what to do for his card and remembered eva's class so THANK YOU EVA wherever you are!!! :)

late night scrap

on friday night, i went to my lss's late night scrap, where someone made an unflattering comment on my circle journal. she didn't know it was mine and felt really bad about saying it but the damage was done and i was devastated. i tried my best to cover how i was feeling and tried many times to reassure her that it was ok but couldn't stay any longer. it was good that it happened towards the end of the night. anyway i had to take mona home and as soon as she got into her house, i went back to the car and started bawling ... uncontrollably. this lasted for hours (i'm not kidding about this) and i just felt so awful that someone said something negative about something i made. being creative is something that i've always had but thought that everyone has an eye for design ... almost like it was "common sense" on how to match colors, paper patterns, etc. until recently. i didn't know that i was blessed with a gift and passion for being creative and believing that "everyone can do it" created this insecurity of everything that i create. (ok so maybe i'm just insecure about everything, but that's another story. lol.) so when someone (who i think is immensely talented) dug on my cj, i was crushed. all my "perceived insecurities" as stacey jullian stated it, became real insecurities. since i've only been scrapping for a year, it's a tough blow to take. although it was only one person's opinion, i didn't hear any comments from my 2 lss workers who usually say something positive about my work. :(

i digress - when stacey gave her talk at CE, the quote "is this the way it's supposed to be" kept haunting me and i was seriously questioning my life, work, and what i want out of it so i can "LIVE BIG". i made some decisions on how i wanted to change my life and the steps i was going to take to make them happen. this was a HUGE decision for me because i hate making decisions which might be why my life is in the miserable state it's in. i feel it's like that movie "sliding doors" where one tiny decision can affect your whole life and i guess that's why i haven't taken the driver's wheel to guiding my life where i think i want my life to be. taking the back seat to my life (if that makes sense) hasn't been working and i'm just learning how to listen to my heart now and am trying to figure out my life and the steps to take to get me to the life i want.

this is why her comment hurt me so much. it just came at the wrong time in my life. just as i decide to pursuit and enrich my life with something that i love {art/design}, her comment knocked down the little self confidence i had. i was always afraid of trying new things, in case i fail at it and just got the courage to try something new. (sigh) life can be so hard at times ...

i sent an email to mona the next morning to clarify some semi-contradictory things i said (i told her that i don't like to put up my LOs at my LSS but then i post on 2peas. i explained that until CE, no one knew who i was and the anonymity of 2peas allowed me to get validation on my work w/o the possible criticisms i'm getting behind my back at the LSS i help out at.) she told me to concentrate on the positive remarks on my LOs on 2peas and that i was "UBER talented". :) (mona - thanks! you soo rock!!!) i haven't done that yet because i'm scared that my in securities will take over and dissect any possible comment that could be perceived as negative but i need to stop listening to that little voice. i need to keep listening to stacey jullian's one instead ... "is this the way it's supposed to be?"

a new toy

i admit it. i'm a ribbon fanatic. i love it and just can't get enough! since i'm such a stickler about the way i store it, it does present some problems. currently, i have my ribbon stored 3 different ways and am trying to decide on which way is the best. when i was at CE, i went bazonkers at their ribbon section in their mini store on the hotel premises. i spent a long time winding it on MM cards. it was a long process and i only got 1/2 of them done.

however, i might have found a new toy that will make winding ribbon fun and faster. i stumbled upon the "darice needle craft supplies floss winder" at ben franklin yesterday. it was only $3 and was fun to use and did speed up my ribbon winding process. i was able to finish the rest of the ribbons in no time! :) the only problem is that i had so much fun that i want to get more ribbon so that i can use my new toy again. heehee.

the picture above is all the ribbon i bought at the mini store. i wanted them all, but settled for most. teehee. you would think this was enough ribbon for one trip but i bought all of this ribbon after i went to diane's ribbons and things and bought many ROLLS of ribbon. ha ha ha. i think i might have to check in to an addiction program for ribbon ... is there such a thing? ;)

CE is over! :(

i can't believe it. although i'm soo happy to be home with my furry baby roxy (who i missed tremendously!), i wish that i had just one more day in AZ. mona and i didn't have a chance to do much except for the things they had planned for us ... we even didn't have a chance to go to the spa or a target! :(

the other thing i wish is that i was able to spend more time with my CE yahoo sisters. it was more difficult than i thought to find them since we made up only a fraction of the 570 women (although i think i saw a few men there) going to the event. of course my bad memory came into play and it was hard trying to remember what their photo looked like (even when i did remember their photo, i STILL couldn't even recognize them). =P anyway, i was able to connect with a few AMAZING women which i hope to stay in contact with.

although there were a few logistical problems with the event, it was great meeting people who have the same passion i have for creating things. i got into scrapbooking, card making, and altering items at the best time because distance is not a problem anymore due to the internet! i'm so blessed to have met the people at CE and hope to stay in touch with them. i will try to post some pics later ... it's a crazy busy week and i only saw the "add image" icon button now! lol. i'll post next week when it's not so crazy. :)