depressed ...

{sigh} i'm depressed because another birthday is approaching and my life is not were i wanted it to be. i thought i would be married and have at least 3 kids and be a great wife (to a dh) and a "donna reed" mom to my (darling) kids. lol. my g/f and my own mom tell me that it's not too late but the older i get the more i think it's just a lofty dream. i don't want to dream anymore and i want to make it a reality... however, i think i'm getting desperate listening to that clock tick louder and louder. arrgh! since when did waiting for mr right become wrong, or more importantly, take so long? although it's more acceptable in our society to get married and have children later in life it doesn't reassure me that it will happen. =P

the other day my sister marla said she planted a prayer "seed" for me so that i will find a husband soon. i told her to use fertilizer. ;)

marla's bday

today is my younger sister, marla's, bday. she is only 2 years younger than me but when we were kids, we were two peas in a pod. you couldn't think of one and not the other - much like ernie and bert from seasame street. we used to joke that we were twins born 2 years apart. :) she's was born 3 months premature and weighed 1 lb 15 oz. the doctors gave her a 10% chance of living because she was born in the early '70s. i can't imagine what life would have been like w/o her. we had a rough childhood and i know God put her in my life so that she could help me get through it. even when we fight, she is a constant blessing to me. thanks for everything sis. i hope you have the most wonderful birthday. i love you.

self pics

i don't know why but i love taking self pics of me (or me w/ my friends). i just extend my long munky arm out and press the button. they're rarely centered and someone is cut off a little, but i like the way they come out. the pictures look more personal ... spontaneous ... intimate ... imperfect. more like me. :)

new blog

i created another blog...one just for personal stuff. i'm pretty sure no one is interested in reading this, but i guess you never know. my other blog is just for my creative outlet - to share my creative side (or lack thereof). ;) heehee. i wanted to have one just to be me...to show the good, the bad, and the ugly. maybe this will help my old wounds heal, but then again maybe not. either way, it will just be me...a munky in paradise.